AT Least You’re Not In The News Podcast: Cat Smuggler

A 39-year-old guy named Michael Lester from Winter Haven, Florida was driving on New Year’s Eve when he called 911 to report a drunk driver…Himself.
 That’s right . . . Michael called 911 and told the dispatcher, quote, “I’m just drunk driving” and he wanted the cops to come get him.
 He said he was too drunk to know where he was, and he’d been driving around all night TRYING to get pulled over . . . but apparently, he got bored with waiting so he moved the process along.
 The dispatcher managed to keep him on the phone . . . even when he told her he wanted to go get something to eat and that he was driving on the wrong side of the road . . . and she also got him to pull over.
 The cops eventually tracked him down, and he told them he’d been drinking beer and taking meth.
 He was charged with a DUI.
-A 21-year-old woman named Olivia Sari and her 21-year-old boyfriend named Nicholas Larrison from Tampa, Florida went to Erie, Pennsylvania over the holidays.
 And when they were flying back earlier this month, they got busted for checking their CAT.  Like, they literally jammed their cat into their suitcase.
 It must’ve worked on the way there, but it didn’t work on the way back . . . because the TSA says the bag triggered an alert.  And when they opened it, they found the cat inside with no food, water, or air.
 The cat was turned over to the Humane Society, and Olivia and Nicholas are both facing charges for transporting animals in a cruel manner.
A 32-year-old guy named Alberto Lopez worked at a Bank of America branch in Cottonwood, Arizona a few years ago.  But when he quit in October of 2016, his bosses suspected he’d stolen $5,000, so they filed a police report.
 The cops tried to track him down, but he kept missing appointments and ducking their calls.  They put out a warrant for his arrest, but he managed to keep avoiding them.
 That is . . . until December, when Alberto was job hunting, and he applied for a dispatcher job AT the police department.
 When the cops were running background checks on their candidates, they found his warrant.  So they scheduled an “interview” for him last week . . . and when he showed up, they arrested him.
 In their press release about his arrest, they also made sure to mention he’s, quote, “out of the running” for the job.