K:Women for men: I promise I’m not a bitch
I though we had a lot of chemistry for two people sitting at the apple bees bar. You were drinking a bud light and we shared some sweet sweet Cajun tots. I really wanted to have a long witty conversation with you. But unfortunately our night was cut short.
A women, either your wife or girlfriend, barged in and started yelling at you for being a lonely piece of trash. She also called me a hoochie which was totally uncool. Personally I think shes projecting her own hoochiness on me. I don’t think I can go back to that apple bees, what if someone says something. Since I can’t go to my favorite dining spot anymore, you owe me dinner. I promise I am not like that other women. I am not some raging bitchazoid who will scream over nothing.I am a sweet girl who will do sweet things to you. I don’t know why you are with her, you can do so much better…hint hint.
Please get your balls out of your purse and call me. If she tries to bug us again I’ll knock that sluts teeth out. Promise.
S: Men for Women: Drunk pants-less redhead
I will admit that was a weird night for me, but I bet it was even weirder for you. It was two am last Sunday when I was getting up to take a squeaky leak. When I looked out the window I saw you, a redhead wearing what I thought at the time was a mini dress squatting on my lawn. I ran out to see what was going on then noticed you didn’t have a mini dress on only had on a t-shirt. No pants , no shoes, no panties, nice carpet/drape combo BTW. I guess you got scared of the 300 pound bald guy in a robe rushing outside because you took off running. You were clearly drunk because you immediately tripped and headbutted my car door. I usually don’t let women do that until we are on a first name basis. I went inside to grab you an ice pack for your head. When I came back you had run off into the night, leaving nothing but an empty Smirnoff bottle and a dent in my car door. You have a cute freckled face and you seem fun. I want you to come back and have fun with me. Maybe you can explain what you were doing on my lawn. If this interests you…you know where my house is.